LIFESTAMPS ... lifelong lessons: CRASHED

Despite my schedule I decided that if I did not do something in that respect, I wouldn’t gain any extra experience, so I took the hint and decided to hold the bull by the horns even if it gores me.

I have been into web design using CMS for some years and I decided to do a public training. I thought of the prospects but it never aligned with the perceived stress and the amount of resources I was to invest. Did I forget to mention that it was brain draining and life intensive? It was really a big task and it was my first attempt.

We labored together and I saw the candidates transform. In three weeks they could handle their individual websites and I was glad I took the decision. The final presentation lasted hours, as they defended the websites they had developed and it was great. I didn’t like the excuses generated by those who didn’t present. Some said their websites crashed, others had computers that suddenly failed and such like. I told them that no excuse was or will ever be good enough to herald a failed mission or project.

I told them that in a real life situation, no customer would listen to such excuses especially when he has paid money for services to be rendered. Little did I know that I was to have a close shave with the same situation I was canvassing against. Indeed no man is beyond trials and temptations. I encountered a very tough situation which was akin to a give-up situation. It was by the skin of my teeth that I saw my dilemma diffuse.

This is my recent tale.

I slammed my laptop shut with such force that I felt my screen would become smithereens of glass. I was very angry. I was maddened. I abruptly got up and went into my room. All the time I spent, the whole day, just blew up in my face like a cheap fuse. I was feeling so bad and the next thing I did was to get on my knees. I didn’t know what to pray but I knelt there fuming. A friend that visited and saw but couldn’t understand thought I went into the room to cry. I really wish I cried but this was beyond tears. It was beyond my experience, my discipline, my carefulness, my diligence, my skill. It was just a big, big blow.

I couldn’t put myself together that night and the next day being the 27^th I didn’t know what I should do. I had a seminar I was yet to prepare for on the same day of the presentation and the website was as good as being non-existent. I worked on the seminar that day and told everyone that cared to listen what had happened to me. Of course they couldn’t help but sympathize with me though no one knew how bad I felt.

Towards the evening I summoned up courage to start the website again. I had just one night. I took pains to start work on another template and when I came to a major part I found it wouldn’t fit. I changed the template and started from scratch again. I had very low spirits and no one was close to motivate or cheer me. I knew humanly speaking I was alone but beyond me, I am never alone. I kept my mind strong and didn’t relent. As I worked I felt the pain of repetition as I recalled doing all these parts before.

It was past the midnight hour when I began to see the website take shape. Keeping awake that late had become routine to me but this time around, the pressure was enormous. I could hear my voice ringing in my head

“…no excuse was and will ever be good enough to herald a failed mission or project.”

“…in a real life situation, no customer would listen to such excuses especially when he has paid money for services to be rendered.”

I knew this was real life and I had to present something. I had never been put under pressure like this to perform on a website. No.

It was around 4am when my body began to cry out for rest but by then I had surprised myself by doing better than I had done on the previously crashed website. I still wanted to work but I had to sleep. I barely slept two (2) calm hours and was up again.

I got to the presentation ground later that morning devoid of sleep and rest but I had accomplished the task. It was impossible until I was done. It was the devil until I had succeeded.

At least two (2) of my students were in the congregation as i presented the website, they never knew it was a one night job. I survived the crash and I stood like a hero but I knew the pains and I knew that never giving up was the only way to succeed.

No one would see your pains, your travail may always be hidden from them and only your success would chime in their ears but we all know that there is a price for success. How and when we pay isn’t really another’s business but ours.

I am happy I have a testimony that I crashed a situation and stood again in time. I would have lived falsely if I hadn’t tarried up to meet up, If I had given in to my emotions and my misfortune. Today however, I know what I can do in one night if the need arises. Not that I wish for it again but in truth, we always operate below our rated capacities and we always give up too soon.

I have learnt to fight to the end, to hold on until the final whistle and never to quit till I have done my best. This is yet another feather in my personal cap. I overcame a negative whim to give an excuse and lie low.

It was difficult, tough and very painful. I never wish it again but my smile now tells me that I should be ready at any time because on this side of the world, nothing is ever perfect, nothing is ever complete. Only grace keeps us afloat. No matter the situation, even if you grapple at straws, do you best to keep afloat and like I told some listeners at the seminar…

“When the condition prevails, its either you overcome it or find a way out but whatever you do, make sure you survive”. I survived.